Good and bad....

Good is the Friday weigh-in: down to 219. Half an inch off the chest and hips, but o my stubborn waist stayed the same.






My back still hurts, and I was woken up this morning at 3:15 because my poor dear son had gotten a ticket for being at a friend's grandma's house with the friend and other people, when the grandma wasn't at home, and for the whole group smoking pot.

What a lovely summer this is going to be for him.

This poor kid. First as a small child his birth mother and my hubby got divorced, and he got dumped mostly on being taken care of by his sister. This scarred him, even though he was a young thing. He has always felt unworthy. And then to make it worse, when he was 8, he was in a traffic accident. He was sitting where his sister normally sat, because he had been talking too much and distracting his mother, when an RV ran literally over their car - the RV driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. His mom and his sister were killed, and he saw all of it, and had the sure knowledge that it should have been him, and not his sister who died.

His dad tried to improve his sense of self-worth by having him given some awards for staying together enough to check to make sure his brother was still alive, climbing out of the car, and remembering his dad's phone number. But I think in retrospect that as he grew older into adolescence, this made him feel even more inadequate, like he didn't really deserve this at all.

He's been acting out a lot of this. He's been improving, but it's in fits and starts. When you feel worthless, that the person you most loved in the world (his sister) died when you should have, it's hard to cope. Especially when you're an adolescent and have all the other baggage to carry.

His brother doesn't do the self-destructive behaviors. He is attracted to the goth side of the world, but has seen there are other alternatives. Unfortunately, he tends to back away from succeeding by refusing to cross the finish line, so to say. Gets to a great point and stops working. I keep hoping he will grow out of this, but we have to see. At least he is out and living on his own.

I knew that I was marrying in to a wounded family, but when I first met my troublesome teen, he was 10 and as cute as a bug and in such need to be connected, because of the fear that the accident had put into his heart, and one of the first things he asked me was, Will you be my mommy? And my heart melted, even though I was already madly in love with his dad, and would have married him no matter what the problems.

And now I sit here, knowing that I should have had breakfast hours ago, and did have a little yogurt smoothie (a whopping sixty calories, what a great breakfast). And I am tired, and not sure if there's anything much more that I can do to help him except pray, hope and give him the best guidance I can and make sure he takes his licks.

I wish I could give him a common sense transplant.

Oh my aching back....

We've been moving the wood from a maple tree that someone let us have if we'd haul it off. It will go into our fireplace next winter which will be nice, but oh! Even being careful with the lifting I have an achy back. But it was some nice weight lifting.

Weight lifting, done well, is a great way to lose weight. And I have lifted in an organized way in the past, and still can handle a fair weight for a middleaged out-of-shape person. And I know enough about lifting about when it's too much, and how to pick it up.

But even knowing that, one can still get a back ache. Sometimes, all that happens is that one muscle kinks up and puts a strain on the other muscles, and until that muscle relaxes, the pain is there. One type of pain you have to work through.

Later today, I will do some walking to help stretch things out again. But first, a hot shower to let my muscles know I love them.

Walking

We live on the foot of a mountain...it's not very high up the mountain, but it still produces a good bit of angle. Trying to find a flat place to walk in my neighborhood is nearly impossible.

This is actually to my good, I think. My favorite walk is about two miles. A mile mostly downhill, to warm up, and a mile mostly uphill, to come back.

Right now, I can't do it every day, because my calves aren't up to it. Being sick and depressed for a year and a half has taken it's toll. I don't have a cardio problem getting back uphill which is good, though, and in fact, sometimes, I alter the route and add another mile to it...about a third mile uphill, and another third mile down and the rest fairly flat.

Some days though, the only walking I get is shopping. Yesterday, I went shopping at four places, and was gone over 3 hours, and in my moseying fashion, probably walked several miles, but slow. Yet it was enough to make me feel like I had walked all day.

I do use a pedometer from time to time, but of course, I am always losing it. Still, all this work counts.

Come the fall, it will really pay off. We go to this place where it's about three miles in and about 1000 feet up, and it's a challenging walk for someone my size, but I really enjoy being there. Mountain trails are fun, but they take work. This year, I am hoping not to have to haul nearly as much weight up the trail as last year!

Stressers

Having teens determined to break the rules until they crash and burn is a particularly bad stresser.

I have a stepson, who I have raised for 6 years, who’s almost 17 doing everything he can to crash and burn. Yesterday he stole a small amount of money (6 dollars) out of my purse, and has stayed out all night.

He’s been treated for depression and post traumatic stress disorder, and constantly goes from one girlfriend to another and hangs out with underachievers.

Every time I think he’s gotten it together, he pulls a stunt like this.

I am trying to develop new coping mechanisms besides eating or going into a rage. Lately it’s been focusing on beauty and getting compulsive with my diet, and becoming an armchair fashionista and shopping for earrings...which is probably why my diet has been so successful. I've resolved some of the problems that kept me not moving and eating. In a few minutes, I will start getting myself dressed, go across town to look for books and earrings.

Eating out...

Yesterday, we went out to the Olive Garden, and I had about half the salmon picata, some salad and a bread stick. Breadstick, 140, salad, probably around 100 calories with the little bit of dressing, salmon about 3 oz 150, steamed brocoli, 30 cal...not sure about what the sauce had calorie wise...I allowed 700 calories on my count for the day, which is probably a bit high, more like 500. I did have a few bites of my hubby's roast potatos and steak....

O but it tasted good. And by adjusting my cals for the day was a nice treat that didn't blow my diet. And the salmon was excellent.