Rough Day

Today, I came home from the library, and my son is gone (not surprising, I really didn't expect him to be home), and the front door behind the glass open, his pillow and sheet on the sofa (where he's been sleeping lately cause his room heats up) instead of the cover I have to protect it from the dogs sitting on it, none of his chores done, and one of my dogs is missing.

Hunter's an escape artist. She is notorious for finding holes under the fence where no one suspects them. When you let her out, you have to escort her or she may very well disapeer. She's also going into heat, which gives her more of an urge to run. To make things more interesting, we've also been told by the city fathers if they find her out again, we will have to go to court and pay court costs for an out of control animal.

I am worried about her. She's a beautiful pedigree golden retriever from a champion blood line. She never met a person she didn't like. She was in one accident as a pup because of her running away tendencies, but got lucky. She did have a name tag with our phone number on the collar but we haven't gotten any calls, not from Animal Control or someone who found her. I wonder if she lost her phone tag?

Son, who went to his brother's without taking his meds still hasn't taken his meds. They are for depression. This is three full days without them. Oy veh! I can see crises on the horizon!

He's at an elevated risk for convulsions from cold turkeying on one of those meds. And he came home from his brother's especially last night to take his meds. And he didn't take them.

I don't know which of my babies to cry for. Both of them, I guess!

I think at times....

I think at times that my sanity has shrunk and blown away, or perhaps I'm just tired.

Son, who hasn't taken his psychoactive meds today wanted Hubby to drop them off to him. He is staying with his brother who lives probably about 55 miles from here. Hubby had a hard day and worked extra long. Son called and Dad told him to take the bus and come get his meds. Son said he didn't want to come home yet, that it would take 3 1/2 hours to get here (maybe. I don't know, but I know this area has an amazingly good transit system.) His dad told him it would take nearly that long to drive down there and back, and then told hm that this is what he should do if he wanted his medicine.

Hubby says it's time to let him take the consequences of his actions.

I'm nervous, because these are his anti-depressant meds, and it may push him into a phase where we go back to the mental health facility.

But again, it may not.

Son is now on the verge of adulthood. Older son is learning what that means (in other words, he's broke, and took awhile getting to work, and things are catching up with him. Cut bait or fish time, or move back home, and he really, really doesn't want to do that. We'll see if that helps him get it together.)

But on the other hand, the last few weeks, younger son has been setting himself up to fail. Is this just another example of that?

1300 calories today. I am plateaued out, but that's not an excuse to break eating patterns, especially since I eat that way to feel better. And I do.

I still haven't taken the time to do my spa day, and I really meant to and need it. Ah life. Maybe after I get back from the library tomorrow. Pedicure, manicure and facial. Hair (conditioning time). I really would feel better if I took the time to do that.

But I did get my Modesty's Closet website up (about modesty and fashion and style - www.modestyscloset.com will get you to an index page that takes you to the website). It needs more development, but its good enough to start.

Tomorrow, I go back to the library I have been volunteering at and get a complete change of pace. While I am cataloging articles about forestry, it will be nice to pretend I have my sanity back!

Wednesday....

Wednesday is my rest day (sort of.) My spa at home day (sort of). My catch up with the laundry day (very important). My pedicure/manicure day. And to start it all off, my clean up the bathroom day! (much nicer to do the other stuff in a clean bathroom).

I need it.

Yesterday, son comes in to tell me that he feels like he has nothing left. He lost his skateboard, his watch, his sunglasses, the hat he got in Seattle with the Matrix Company logo (I am assuming they sell things to skateboarders. Almost all the logo'ed clothes he wears is skateboard related.) He lost his job, and all the friends he wants to hang with hate him, and the ones that want to hang with him he hates.

Sounds like depression time - and after losing his job and being in a not really able to be expressed anger fest at his old girlfriend who dumped him while he was at his aunt's in July, he has reason to feel depressed.

Skateboarding is one of the few things he likes to do that lets him release tension. So I took him to the local Zumiez (a store that sells boards and other related stuff), and got him a new board. Deck, trucks, bearings, wheels. About $125 investment in keeping him from spiraling downward enough to need to go into inpatient psychiatric treatment.

I don't buy him cheap board stuff. It breaks too easy, and he's a pretty good skater, so his board takes a beating, and buying better pays, but boy, I wish I didn't need to do it this week.

He's got the miserables bad. He went to his brother's last night to hang for awhile, but left his meds at home. Somebody's going to have to go the 50 miles to connect him with his medicine. He particularly doesn't need to not be taking it now.

One thing after another. What I need is a long hot shower. I'd take a bath, but the tub's in Son's bathroom, and it would take more work than I want to do to get it spa ready!

Yesterday was cluttered and busy...

And today has been running around all day...

Still a little bloaty, but I feel better and have dropped 3 of the offending undeserved pounds ... so I don't feel nearly as crabby.

My son, though, is having a bad day. He called in to see what his schedule was at work, and they told him that he didn't need to come back to work. He was pretty crushed.

There are days, I feel like the knitting woman here. Knitting while carrying peat in her basket, she worked hard to make things hold together. Not an easy life. Life is often rather burdensome, but the alternative is not something I want to experience yet!

I hope he doesn't do anything stupid tonight because of that.

But on a good note, I heard from a cousin of mine. She and my mom were best friends growing up, and I think of her more as an aunt than a cousin. She didn't take my mom's passing very well, and her mom died around the same time as mine did, so it was hard for her. I thought she was going to be at my niece's wedding, but she didn't make it. So it was especially good for her to drop me a line - moreso since I had lost her email address!