Good and bad....
Good is the Friday weigh-in: down to 219. Half an inch off the chest and hips, but o my stubborn waist stayed the same.
My back still hurts, and I was woken up this morning at 3:15 because my poor dear son had gotten a ticket for being at a friend's grandma's house with the friend and other people, when the grandma wasn't at home, and for the whole group smoking pot.
What a lovely summer this is going to be for him.
This poor kid. First as a small child his birth mother and my hubby got divorced, and he got dumped mostly on being taken care of by his sister. This scarred him, even though he was a young thing. He has always felt unworthy. And then to make it worse, when he was 8, he was in a traffic accident. He was sitting where his sister normally sat, because he had been talking too much and distracting his mother, when an RV ran literally over their car - the RV driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. His mom and his sister were killed, and he saw all of it, and had the sure knowledge that it should have been him, and not his sister who died.
His dad tried to improve his sense of self-worth by having him given some awards for staying together enough to check to make sure his brother was still alive, climbing out of the car, and remembering his dad's phone number. But I think in retrospect that as he grew older into adolescence, this made him feel even more inadequate, like he didn't really deserve this at all.
He's been acting out a lot of this. He's been improving, but it's in fits and starts. When you feel worthless, that the person you most loved in the world (his sister) died when you should have, it's hard to cope. Especially when you're an adolescent and have all the other baggage to carry.
His brother doesn't do the self-destructive behaviors. He is attracted to the goth side of the world, but has seen there are other alternatives. Unfortunately, he tends to back away from succeeding by refusing to cross the finish line, so to say. Gets to a great point and stops working. I keep hoping he will grow out of this, but we have to see. At least he is out and living on his own.
I knew that I was marrying in to a wounded family, but when I first met my troublesome teen, he was 10 and as cute as a bug and in such need to be connected, because of the fear that the accident had put into his heart, and one of the first things he asked me was, Will you be my mommy? And my heart melted, even though I was already madly in love with his dad, and would have married him no matter what the problems.
And now I sit here, knowing that I should have had breakfast hours ago, and did have a little yogurt smoothie (a whopping sixty calories, what a great breakfast). And I am tired, and not sure if there's anything much more that I can do to help him except pray, hope and give him the best guidance I can and make sure he takes his licks.
I wish I could give him a common sense transplant.
posted by Knitting a Conundrum at 7:38 AM
5 Comments:
You have a very nice blog, I enjoyed reading it. I pray you will get to your goal with your weight loss.
God will give you the patience, persistance and perseverence with your family, He hears all prayers:-) Try to keep showing them your love and understanding and try to get them to talk about their feelings. The more they talk about them, the more they can be resolved and they wont bottle them up. The chance they will come out of the "backdoor" so to speak, is great by keeping the feelings in. You are in my prayers:-)
God's Grace.
Gosh, what a story, what a situation. May you be strong enough to carry everyone through.
I am so sorry to hear of your son's horrific experience and yet, grateful to know you are in his life. I ache for the pain your family is reeling with and the problems he is having I am sure are, in part related to his feelings that he wishes he had died instead of his sister. But perhaps he needs to be reminded from time to time that if he believes he "should" have been killed--- that experience says anything BUT that. If he accepts that there is some sort of power beyond himself, that power meant for him to live. I would go further and insist that it didn't mean his sister and mother were to die either. But given that they did, one can be sure they would want him to feel free of guilt.
He has something to do here and his presence is important. You can let him know a complete stranger feels that, and looking from the outside, can see he has nothing to feel guilty for-- I, as many others are, am glad he is still here and want very much for him to know he is supported and loved.
As are you, dear mom...
Thanks everybody for the support. Yes, it's hard to convince a kid that he is not a bad kid. In fact, outside of the headstrongness he has right now, he is sweet and kind and vunerable, tough as nails to hide the hurt, a clown to hide his sadness, snarky, smart and so very hard on himself and it breaks my heart how he hurts.
Susan,
I'm so sorry about your son.
But I think you can help him greatly.
You are right, it would be nice
to do a common sense transplant....
Marie
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